Whirlwind Mama

Have you ever felt stuck?  So overwhelmed by life you can’t see the end of the line?  I have!   In my mind I was trying to be the best mama possible, a domestic goddess, a caring wife and to continue the development of my skills to make sure I remain employable in the future. On top of my desires I was dealing with the guilt of not working and not providing financially for my family.  I had worked for the past 25 years and always contributed so it's difficult to become somewhat dependant. 

I wanted a new house, a home that littlelion would have all his childhood memories in and ofcourse all our family memories.

At the same time I had hit a milestone birthday.  However wonderful turning 40 may be it made me reflect and take stock of my existence, where I have been, where I wanted to be and where I am.   And whilst I am very blessed, when you are stuck in that whirlwind you can only see the negative. 

In my career at times I have managed over 40 staff but yet I’m struggling to manage myself, my husband, our domestic home and littlelion.  But it took me to hit breaking point and a good heart to heart with darling hubby to realise it’s all because I am putting too much pressure on myself to be everything and be perfect at it!!!  Not only did I want to do it all and do it well but I wanted it all now!

Littlelion doesn’t want me to be perfect, there is no such thing as a perfect parent.  Littlelion just needs love and affection.  I reminded myself that memories can be made anywhere and taken everywhere, whether it is this house or the next home we live in.  My husband reminded me that my job for now is to raise our littlelion, not to have the home looking like a page from Home Beautiful or a meal from Jamie’s latest release on the table. And he told me to stop the guilt.  So I have! 

I have acknowledged that it’s important to have ‘me time’ and to do things that make me happy and to take better care of myself.  It was the guilt getting me again, I shouldn’t have someone else care for my littlelion (even if it was my family members) just to enjoy a lunch with friends or go to the gym.  But, again I was reminded I can offer littlelion more if I am relaxed, happy & healthy. 

My values and expectations on myself have been altered forever and I am going to be a little kinder to myself. 

So it's time I sit down with a coffee and write down a few things I need to change for me and our family happiness.